I separated from my ex-husband in Jan of 2006. I will admit that I'm not completely innocent in the matter of our relationship's failure. I've had an affair when I lived in Germany. It wasn't right and there isn't an excuse for it. But it was the decision of a young scared woman. However, I am 99% sure that my ex had cheated on me during his tech school training, just weeks after we were married, so cheating was throughout the relationship for him and a one time occurance for me. I admitted to mine to him. Over the final three years of our relationship it was really rocky. He hit me more than ever before. He had more than one affair, including online ones. The last one, I knew was it done. To this day I don't know how long it had been going on. But for awhile before I found out. I found out because I went to run an errand and came back and got on the computer. I noticed that one of the windows was still open from when he was on the computer. I clicked on it and it opened. I figured out it was an e-mail window from his government account. I was going to close it out when something caught my eye. Turns out it was series of replies from him and his girlfriend. Serious e-mails too. After reading them all I can't remember EXCATLY what caught my eye but I think it was the line that said "my wife thinks I'm talking to Sgt. ____ and I'm going to let her keep thinking that". I asked, even though I didn't have to, if he was having an affair. He denied it up until I told him he couldn't deny it... I still should have printed that e-mail. I stayed for about 2 weeks while I was making plans to take myself and my kids back to Illinois.
Steve's story is a bit different. (Keep in mind his ex wife was a "friend" of mine, meaning she couldn't care less for me when it wasn't convient for her... but if she needed something I was around.) Steve's ex came to him and told him she had an affair with a person that he knew. He already had a suspiction because of something that was said by this person a few days before. Anyways, Steve doesn't give second chances very often after his first wife for cheating. Anyways, he went ahead and gave her one...and she did it again, with the same person. Well, that was the end of their relationship. She moved to her mom's shortly after while he stayed in that house for another week before moving to a hotel and eventually to where we live now. They were now legally seperated. I had found out about her affair one night at some god-awful hour in the morning when Steve called me trying to get me to tell him how long his wife had been cheating on him. He said I was her friend and he was sure I knew about it. However, I didn't. Remember, she didn't really tell me anything or even care if I was around anymore (and this was going on for awhile now). I remained "friends" with both in them... until she started lying to my face. I did continue talking to Steve. But nothing was going on between us. His ex used me as an excuse for her affair. She told him that my ex gave me a second chance and he should do the same. However, when she got it, she abused it and he was done! When he moved into the hotel room we started dating.
We began dating because we had similar interests and we had similar experiences. We both agreed to the fact that IF we were to get interested in someone else, we were to break it off (even if it's within a marraige) before you go any further with the other person. That way, it's not a blind side attack. However, neither of us are going to use this.
Now, I understand that this isn't actually a good thing, to date (and marry) your friend's ex. But honestly, he didn't do anything wrong as far as what went wrong. He didn't cheat on her. But, life goes on. If you cheat and get a second chance and cheat again, I don't think you cared enough in the first place. But that's my frame of mind.
Now, I guess I can understand why she might spread the rumors she has spread across this GRAND town that I live in... because she's bitter. However, I must say... I DON'T spread rumors that I don't have facts about. I don't do it about my ex, I don't do it about his girlfriend, I don't do it about Steve's ex. However, I've heard so many stories about me... things like she walked in and saw Steve and I fucking... she never cheated on Steve... we were daing for months before... blah blah... at one point I was pregnant... yeah. That was a hell of a converstaion to have in the PA office. (I worked at a day care center at one point and saw the mom of one of the kids... I asked how the kids were doing and said I bet they were growing like weeds. She said yeah and we talked for a few. I was there to report my getting married to Steve BTW. She said, you married Steve? I said yeah. She said, I thought Sam was dating Steve. I said Sam is dating this Steve, I'm dating this other Steve. Oh, your the one dating W's ex? Yeah, that would be me. Well, are you pregnant now or did you just have the baby? Um, WHAT? Oh, she told me you were pregnant with his baby. Um, NO. I can't get pregnant. I have my tubes tied... and REMEMBER to REMIND W of this next time you see her because she KNOWS as well. We did talk a little more but that was basically it.) Steve's parents were told that Steve was cheating on her with me. They know better now... but she went quickly to try to spread that one! She told many of my friends these stupid stories and instead of asking me... they just stopped talking to me. So whatever! I'm done with it all! I'm often ANGRY about the fact that friends I had that were mine and didn't like her, took her side. But whatever. If they couldn't come to me... they weren't really friends anyways were they?
So that's the background of Steve and I... out in the open. Now, I do want you to remember you may not approve of this type of thing. In that case, I want you to be an adult. You don't like it, you can always STOP reading my site. Any comments of negative or hatred will be DELETED! So play nice and if you don't like it, once again, unsub... if you really want you can block me I don't care.
We're both happier now than ever... and we look forward to the rest of our lives. We think things happen for a reason and if not for every step we've taken this far... we might not be in the same place we are now! Plus I love him more than I've loved anything before (well, you know... I love my kids too!).
No comments:
Post a Comment